He is Mocking Me!!!

Today was not the best of days. It wasn't horrible but it was certainly out of whack.

First, I have to go to the court in Santa Maria. This is usually an ordeal. But not today. In, out, done. Judge was very nice and even greeted me with a smile and wished me a good day.

I should have known that something was up.

Somewhere, something started poking at me. I decided I was pissed at somebody for doing something or not doing something. It isn't important who or what. I just decided to be pissed. Maybe having a judge smile at me is more than my psyche can take.

I finally, after a bit of cell phone psychotherapy, figure out that Dan's upcoming soiree at Camp Nelson has me a bit on the upset side. I am really pissed at Dan for dying. I am really pissed at me for not saving the whole goddamned world and Dan in it and if the stupid SOB had thought about it for one second he wouldn't have had a leaky brain in the first place!!!!!!!!

So I go through the rest of my day just kinda pissed off at everyone and everything. I don't yell or snap or do anything like that. True to form I just internalize the whole business making myself miserable and trying to avoid everyone I know so I can continue to be miserable without anyone noticing so I can feel sorry for myself because no one notices me.

Got that?

So I start learning the part to the song that Melodie, Jed and I are going to sing at the Farewell. It is the arrangement of Parting Glass that the Wailin' Jennys sang when Dan and I wen to see them in Arroyo Grande. I am singing the middle part which is difficult for me as I know the melody by heart and learning another version is tough.

So on the way to Santa Barbara later on Melodie and I are singing the song. I am getting it all wrong and I am so frustrated. So I sing it alone to see if I can set the part in my brain and I do ok. We discuss it and decide that no matter how it comes out it is for Dan.

Just then, I see a Reddaway truck coming onto the freeway next to us. Dan use to drive for them. For years. And the driver of that truck was eating an ice cream cone. From Foster's Freeze-Dan's favorite ice cream place in SLO. Melodie and I busted out laughing.

He had been messin' with me all day.

It is time to let it go. As best as I can, Dan. As best as I can.