Dan Gisvold at Bear Creek

Monday, July 18, 2011

It Never Goes Away

I was talking to brother Bill the other day. That is one good thing that has come from Dan's death.....Bill and I actually talk to each other.

We got to talking about patterns of life and how we fall into them. Some pretty serious stuff. Not the usual how's life, what are the kids up to, what's happening to the cabin kind of things that we generally talk about. And definitely not Bill's golf game!

And he started to talk to me about his first wife, Bernadette. She died of stomach cancer when their youngest was only 12. He talked about how little they had in common. He talked about how they made it work. I could hear the pain in his voice.

And then I asked the question.

"It never goes away. Does it."

It was a statement that required an answer.

Bill stopped, paused for a few seconds, and then said, "No, it never does."

The loss of my best friend, my confidant, my brother. That loss will be with me forever. I can't bring Dan back.

I see him in my mind. I remember lots of times with him. But he will never stand beside me again.

I will never drink sassafras tea with him again.

That loss will never go away.

But I am not sad that it stays. I am glad.

I am glad that I will have him in my heart forever.

1 comment:

  1. No, it never goes away, but it changes...you never stop missing someone, but over time it's not a stabbing pain but more of a wistful wanting. And while I'm no a fan of overt platitudes...that you have him in your heart and you can talk about him openly...he is right there beside you. But without the creepy overtones ;)