My spouse is a man of few words. Very few. He is, by all accounts, including his, a hermit.
Dan use to call him "The Alleged Mel" because he never answers the phone and rarely appears in public. There are members of the Vocal Arts Ensemble who still doubt that I have a spouse since they have not seen him.
I consider him an internal knot untie-er. He takes a problem or a thought and internalizes it. Processes it. Mulls on it. Turns it over. Looks under the hood. Kicks the tires. Then decides the action that is required under the circumstances.
He is not "alleged"-- he is very real. And he has been with me for 20+ years.
So I know that when he says something, especially when he is otherwise engaged in reading or watching some intellectual program on TV, it means something.
I mentioned to him on Saturday that I was really missing Dan. His response was--"I say goodnight to him every night. I say goodnight to my mom. I say goodnight to my dad. And I always say goodnight to Dan"
I lost it.
On Sunday, as I am literally going to sleep at his side, my spouse looks up from his Kindle and says,
"Thinking about Dan gives me serenity. He was a hard working, honest man with a heart of gold. He only wanted to help people. There really are people like that in the world and I that gives me peace."
He had untied the knot.
It is really hard to go to sleep when you are crying.