Blame

I sat in shock as I read about the shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and others in Arizona. As I read about her wounds I felt again the helplessness that I felt the night that Dan had his stroke. I know, personally, what her family is feeling right now. That she has survived through her surgery and is now in a medically induced coma is a miracle.

I have had to gather information on her injury to determine that it did not compare to Daniel's. It did not. And it did not because the bullet that ripped through Rep. Giffords' brain did not leave a blood trail. There was little bleeding and so the damage was to the area of brain where the bullet traversed. Dan had a bleed that was the size of a racketball of the left side of his brain.

I know this sounds clinical and unfeeling. It is not. I need to reassure myself that nothing could have been done that was not already done to save Dan. Like every single human being on this earth I am willing to blame his death on someone or something.

But with all my heart I resist that. With all my being I will always resist that. Blaming someone or something else solves nothing. It changes nothing. It does not give one "closure" or "peace". Those are things that time and patience and the love of family and friends will help me to feel.

In the work that I do I see the effect of blame, of accepting life as a victim. It is more devastating than the initial injury. It robs the person of their own strength, their own soul. So tonight I am thinking of the family of the shooter and the grief  that they are feeling.

Maybe we should all remember the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

It helps with the booze.  It helps with the anger. It helps with the grief.