Concentration is a hard thing to come by these days. So I left work early and ended up at the end of Harloe Street in Pismo. I walked past Dan's old apartment and stood at the railing overlooking the Pacific ocean. The Pismo pier was off to my left and Dinosaur Caves off to my right. The ocean was still muddy from the recent storm and there were no surfers. There were two beach volleyball games going on right below me.
I stood there and tried to think of all the things Dan and I talked about on the evenings that we drank tea here. I can see his face, I can hear his voice but I can not remember the words. I sat on the little bench and watched the waves and waited for Dan. I waited for the words.
When I got home Mel had me come outside where he was barbecuing dinner. He pointed to the cloud filled sky and told me that he had just asked Dan to tell him if he was in heaven. The spot that he pointed to had just opened up to blue sky and sunlight.
If I needed more than that brother Bill called tonight. We no longer just end our conversations. We say I love you. We don't just discuss business anymore. We are more in touch with each other than we have ever been. I see it as another gift from Dan.
Believe or don't believe, it doesn't matter. What matters is that waiting isn't the answer. Asking is. Doing is. Sharing is.